It's Christmas Time...

Here we are again, and I thought I'd be in a different place, literally and figuratively. I was supposed to be divorced by now, flush with a little settlement money, and my holidays were supposed to go like this: Thanksgiving was PARIS, by myself. Instead, I had my dad, brother and INLAWS over. 

Christmas was supposed to be in LONDON, taking in all the sights and sounds of a similar culture's Christmas traditions. Tea in Knightsbridge or at the Savoy, Christmas dinner at Claridge's or someplace equally as awesome. 

Then the great one: New Year's Eve. It was to be in Bruges, or Naples, or Iceland, or maybe even that hotel in Sweden that's made completely out of ice. Someplace new to welcome in the new year, someplace where being alone on New Year's Eve would be OK. Someplace I'd be alone but not lonely. A place with a different language, different customs, a different time zone. Anything not to be alone (again) on New Year's Eve here in the same old house doing the same old things. Every other New Year's Eve for the past 20 years was spent at the same cousins' party. I like these particular cousins, but I am tired of the same party, so for the past two years I've stayed home, watching Marx Brothers marathons (fun) or something else fun on TV. Me and the 18-year-old cat. Together, alone, welcoming in a brand new year full of promise.

But this year was supposed to be me welcoming in a whole new life! On another continent! Someplace groovy. Not here, in the same old house, with the same old cat, wishing for the same old things.

That old song, "What Are You Doing New Year's Eve" really gets me. At least it gets me this year. It's a melancholy tune, one that I usually like, but this year I can't bear to hear it. 

Here's to a whole new year. A whole new life, maybe? I know it's a couple of weeks off, but I'm girding myself now. Even Barry Manilow had a song about New Year's Eve: "It's just another New Year's Eve, another one like all the rest..." so maybe he stayed alone, too.

Time will tell.